Jan 11, 2010

'The Filthy Critic' reviews Avatar

Filthy: Welcome, Jimmy. You're still wearing Aunt Filthy's sweater?
Jimmy: Maktu.
Filthy: What?
Jimmy: Maktu Mendo.
Filthy: What the hell is that?
Jimmy: I will explain this once and only once. I speak Na'vi, the language of the indigenous people in Avatar, out of respect for their ancient culture. Anything I have to say will only be heard by people who understand Na'vi. Nikto Filt'y.
Filthy: Well, that's going to make for a shitty review.
Jimmy: Benta.
Filthy: Okay, I'll get this started. Avatar is a major crapload.
Jimmy: Jik jik jik!
Filthy: It is! It looks great, like a truckload of diamonds for sure. But, good lord, the story is a trite, patronizing pile of Hollywood arrogance. The new agey theme and cornball dialog nearly drowns out any goodwill earned by the movie's fancy-ass creation of a fantastic new world.
Jimmy: Jik jik jik!
Filthy: Jimmy says he agrees with me.
Jimmy: Oen ontu teya lu
Filthy: Get your hands off me. Jesus, you smell like a gay brothel in a sweat sock. Avatar's plot is virtually identical to Ferngully, a shit-for-brains, message-heavy kids' cartoon about pixies who must stop loggers from destroying their rainforest. One human pretends to be a pixie and falls in love with the pixies and discovers how precious their world is. That is the plot of Avatar, except this new mega-production isn't handled as maturely as the kiddie movie, and it has a shitload more carnage.
Jimmy: Rapa Nui!
Filthy: I don't understand a word you're saying.
The Filthy Critic
TFC's website is well worth a browse. Here's his review of The Road:—
Every year about this time Hollywood comes out with one of those comedies about two people who have to get home in time for the holidays. You know, the cute, hee-hee flicks with an odd couple on a road trip and encountering all sorts of amusing complications. At a time like this, when the economy is buried under your breakfast remains in the crapper, we're waging a bunch of wars and everybody's blaming everyone else for everything, a movie like that's a welcome diversion. I love something warm, lighthearted, fun and that reminds us how wonderful our lives really are. The Road isn't that movie.
His review of A Serious Man, meanwhile, shows him to be in possession of some of the most acute critical faculties in the business: —
A Serious Man is really fucking unpleasant to spend time with in the same way as a meth-head trannie. It's pretty to look at and you want to like it, but it has almost nothing to say and it's pretty Goddamn loud and incessant in saying it. This movie is like some sort of dare by the Coen Brothers to see how far they can push a single note before an audience's teeth bleed.
More please.

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