The 2010 Oscars: the awards behind the awards

BEST RED CARPET EXCHANGE

FORD: "Its about onnection to other people. It's not about money, cars, things—I mean, all of us are fortunate in this world—but it’s really about your connection to other people.”

SEACREST: "Tell me about this suit"

FORD: “It’s a Tom Ford suit."

MOST ELEGANT ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Yet again, Chritsoph Waltz raised the acceptance speech to a minor art form. First, a lovely ad lib "Oscar and Penélope—that's an über bingo!", followed by a speech which floated along on the metaphor of an expedition, with all his collaborators as passengers — a conceit that both allowed him to name-check everyone effortlessly, in record time, while not losing our attention. "I can't begin to thank you enough, but I can start now. Thank you." Both artful and heartful — a very difficult combination to pull off.

BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Sandra Bullock. To marshall that level of self-deprecation? In the furnace of an Oscar win? Nothing short of incredible.

MOST GRACELESS INNOVATION

The compulsory replacement of "the Oscar goes to..." with "and the winner is..." Presumably in the interests of drama. Yeuch. Only Kate Winslett defied orders: good for her.

CLASSIEST INNOVATION

The communal ego bath for the acting nominees is here to stay, I hope. It works. The Oscars are not a science, they are about feeling the love — who deserves it, who's getting it, why they're getting it, who from etc etc. More importantly it is all about the presence of real emotion on the faces of people we normally pay to fake it. And now here it is, pure and uncut, without the actors and actresses having to wrap their heads around making a speech at the same time.

BEST PRONUNCIATION

Quentin Tarantino stepping through a treacherous field of foreign film nominees with the elegance of Astaire.

BEST TRUTH DISGUISED AS A JOKE DISGUISED AS A TRUTH

"It's a competition between handsome gifted people and sickly mole people!" — Robert Downey Jr.

WORST PRESENTER

Barbara Streisand. Just give the game away why don't you. Same with Sigourney Weaver announcing art Direction. Why both to keep it a secret for months if you're going to blab the winner with your choice of presenters? Yours, Genuinely Mystified of Greenwich Village.

WORST BIT OF PRAM-CHASING

From a crowded field: ABCs description of The Last Station as a romance between "old people"; Alec Baldwin's introduction of "two actresses who probably doesn't know who we are"; Miley Cryus, Zac Ephron and Kristin Stewart pulling the pacifiers out of their mouths to parade around stage, unaided, while Lauren Bacall and Jack Nicholson get shoved onto the recap rustheap. At one point there was a shot of Nichlson standing up to applaud Godfather cinematographer Gordon Willis and I thought: I want to watch that show.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

"I already have two of these" — Sandy Powell, costume designer.

MOST INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THEME MUSIC

'Thank Heaven for Little Girls' playing when Carey Mulligan made her entrance.

MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS

Why was Alec Baldwin getting no love from George Clooney? Edward Scissorhands is a horror film? Since when? They got rid of all available fat but kept the interpretative dance numbers? How I have longed for the artistic fusion bringing together the world of IED bomb squads and break-dancing.

BEST MANGLING OF A JOKE THE MORNING AFTER

"During the ceremony, Ben Stiller appeared in Na’vi blueface and tail to present the make-up award, which went to “Star Trek.” (“Avatar” was not nominated in the category.) He sputtered nonsense lines in what mimicked an alien language that had been created for “Avatar,” and said, “That means, ‘This seemed like a better idea at the time.’ ”— New York Times

I guess you had to be there.