REVIEW: Titanic 3D (dir. Cameron)

I'm sure it's the best conversion to date, but it's still a conversion, which means that the action is segregated into a series of planes, as in a diorama, while the actors remain stubbornly and defiantly in 2D. The only places it worked, I thought, were the shots at the prow and stern of the boat — Rose looking down into the churning water, Jack doing his king-of-the-world routine, the upended stern in the finale. All nicely vertiginous, but  the over-the shoulder shots now make it look as if the conversations are taking place across a tennis court. It actively dispels the intimacy Cameron fought so hard to achieve. I still love his film, while wishing its detractors happy, contented lives, shorn of all cornball sentiment and sappy dialogue (what do they do when someone tells them "I love you?" Send it back for a rewrite?). I love Di Caprio in it, so beautiful, long and lean you wonder he doesn't get ushered onto the lifeboats with all the women and children.  I love Rose once she gets her hair wet (not so much before, with her ringleted hair and awful make-up), and most of all the sight of her wading through jade-clored water, indomitably, with an axe. I even like Billy Zane, delivering his lines like a villain waxing his mustache. Also, the shot of those massive pistons below decks, pumping in a row, like a bunch of terminators doing bench-presses. All shots of the boat at night. That eerie moment of calm, right after the collision, when everyone thinks they've gotten away with it ("that was a close shave"). I just preferred it all in 2D, thank you, although I appreciate the effort. B+